I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
