No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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