So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
