I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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