Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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