Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
