You really coming over, don't trick.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
