One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
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Send help, water and tortillas.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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