one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
