my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize