There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Houston, we have a squirter
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
