loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
