i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
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What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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