god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
