i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
last night I used snow as a chaser
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
