I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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