I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
