Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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