hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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