Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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