Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
