He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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