he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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