I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
