If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
