I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
