I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
