I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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