Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We left the knife in your bed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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