Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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