I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize