So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
