Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
