Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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