***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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