He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
