I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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