Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
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You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize