I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
