One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Your dad touched me again.
i just had sex bonerless
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
