ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
