I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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