I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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