oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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