We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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