i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
