My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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