why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
