Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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