I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
