ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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