I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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