Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
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i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
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Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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