Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
