Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
