i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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