He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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