Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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