took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
