You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
