Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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