Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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