I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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