Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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