Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
