I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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