Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
