You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
