apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
