I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
