it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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