he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
