You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
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Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
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I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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