Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again