So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
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He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
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He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream