So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.