apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.