Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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