I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
