Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i don't like sucking hair
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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