Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
